What? You Mean I Have to Pay?

In a long line at the grocery store or other merchant.   Some many DOPEs and so many reasons for Grumpy Old Man to get grumpier.  Let's make a list:

Hey, Ms. Store Manager, can't you see there's a line of customers waiting to give you money?  Get another cashier out here instead of drinking coffee in the breakroom and talking about American Idol.

Hey, Mrs. Customer, I understand your friendly outgoing nature.  But buy a clue.  Can't you see a long line of customers behind you waiting to check out?  Give us a break.  Don't slow up the line with your lame ramblings about your boring life.  Get through the line quickly and efficiently.  If you need to spew verbal diarrhea that badly, stop a homeless person on the street and yap at them.  Don't impact me.

Hey Mr. Cashier, Can't you see there's a line at your register?  Does that matter to you?   We know your company's lame mission statement espouses some meaningless drivel about friendly service. But excessively friendly service with every customer slows the line and results in poorer service.   Pay attention.  Adapt.  Serve.

And now the Pièce De Résistance,  the primary reason for this post and the bane of my existence.

Drum roll. please.  

Mrs. Customer, you have been standing in front of me for 10 minutes.  You have
endured the same line.  You have watched and heard the chatty customers and the slow cashier.  You are over the age of 5 so you know how a store works.  Why then, you Queen of all Dopes, you dumbest of the dumb, are you surprised when the cashier asks you for payment?

I've been standing here too long already, and now I have to wait longer while you fumble through your purse for the payment you should have had in your hand.  Arghhhh!!!!!

You've been in a store before.  You've watched the 20 people in front of you in line pay for their purchases.  Did you think your unparalleled beauty (not), your designer K-mart outfit or your stellar 95 IQ would get you your purchases for free?  Come on!  You've been standing in line for 15 minutes.  Have your damn money ready!

- Grumpy Old Man